E68: Back Living With Your Parents Again

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[00:00:02.260] - Oliver (Host)

So, César, how is your living situation?

[00:00:08.720] - César (Guest)

My living situation?

[00:00:10.040] - Oliver (Host)

Our living situation, but for you.

[00:00:14.360] - César (Guest)

I'm very happy now. Yeah, because I was quite distressed the first week with boxes all over the place.

[00:00:24.100] - Oliver (Host)

Because we've moved to your mother's house.

[00:00:27.480] - César (Guest)

Exactly, for a few months.

[00:00:28.980] - Oliver (Host)

Exactly.

[00:00:29.720] - César (Guest)

And until the renovation of our flat is finished. Because I wanted you to be comfortable, but I also wanted my mum and my sister to be comfortable in their own house. I have to say everyone -

[00:00:44.960] - Oliver (Host)

Well, before you do say anything, maybe we should cut to the introduction and we'll leave that on a cliffhanger. So welcome back - to you're like, I have to say-(You're such a podcaster.)

[00:00:55.140] - César (Guest)

(I have to say), to be honest, I have to say, listen to Oliver first.

[00:01:00.480] - Oliver (Host)

Welcome back to English and Beyond, the advanced version of the podcast. If there is anything that you find difficult to understand, then we have a transcript, we have vocabulary flashcards. Do we have language games for the advanced podcast? Do you do it for yours?

[00:01:16.060] - César (Guest)

Language games? No, I don't. You have to show me what that is.

[00:01:18.900] - Oliver (Host)

We have language games for the podcast to help you consolidate your vocabulary. Maybe you should do it. Give it a go, César. (Thanks for the tip, Oliver.) We have as well someone has just asked me to start doing a vocab list. So thank you very much. (We do have that.) We don't have it for the English one yet, so we are going to have it for- (In the Spanish one.) Oh, I see. So thank you very much for that suggestion, and we will be doing a vocab list as well. So I'm giving myself that extra work. Let's go back to the episode. Get in here, Maria. You can come in.. Bye, Maria.

[00:02:00.000] - César (Guest)

Bye.

[00:02:03.480] - Oliver (Host)

We just got interrupted by your sister because this is one of the realities of cohabitation, living with someone else. Yeah. Actually, this… Well, you were going to say before I cut you off for the sake of drama and tension, you were going to say that after the first difficult week-

[00:02:21.420] - César (Guest)

I'm quite pleased now that we are all living together in this harmony, and everyone is making an effort to make everyone to be everyone happier, no?

[00:02:32.200] - Oliver (Host)

Everyone's making an effort so that everyone feels relaxed and comfortable.

[00:02:36.460] - César (Guest)

How is it for you?

[00:02:38.580] - Oliver (Host)

Yeah, it's good. It's funny because I think one of the things that's interesting about this particular living dynamic, this dynamic that we have here, is that we are very much in your mum's house. But as you can see from where we're recording, if you're watching the video, we are literally, we've taken over her living room.

[00:02:58.280] - César (Guest)

Which is, and next to the kitchen - it's like an open floor kitchen.

[00:03:04.600] - Oliver (Host)

Yeah. So we are, we have, that is, a serious imposition. (And there's only one bathroom.) There's only one bathroom. Basically, we've taken over everything. So she is, it's funny because when you are, obviously, when you move into somebody else's house, then it's a very odd dynamic because you're not moving into a place as equals. It's not like when you rent a house with a friend and you are both you're there as tenants, you're there with a rental contract. When you move into someone else's house, then you should be more conscious of the fact that you are in their space. I think that we have been good for that. But it's obviously a different thing for me because we are living in your mum's house. You say, everyone, we all feel happy and comfortable, but I don't feel totally happy and... I do feel totally happy, but I don't feel totally comfortable. And your mum is always saying to me, I want you to be totally relaxed and totally at ease, but I can't be. And I also don't think I should be, because I think if I were totally at ease, that something would be wrong.

[00:04:08.320] - César (Guest)

Well, I think it's normal to... Let's say we've never lived with your mum, but we spend a lot of time with your mum, and we spend a lot of time with your mum every now and then. When I'm at your mom's, now I have the confidence of going to the fridge and grabbing an apple if necessary.

[00:04:26.560] - Oliver (Host)

But I think you'd ask a lot of those things. I I think that you-

[00:04:31.260] - César (Guest)

Not anymore. I would ask to cook something.

[00:04:32.200] - Oliver (Host)

If you bought it, that's fine. Yeah, exactly. If you're wanting to use her kitchen. But your mum has said to me, she's told me off because I'm too shy in the kitchen. I don't just go and take whatever I want or use all of her pans and her pots. She's very particular about them. She's got good standards for her things. We bought her a Christmas present of a pan, and she took it back and returned it and bought a different one. (A better one.) A better one. It wasn't because she was unhappy with the original. It's just that she basically there are some design standards that she prefers, that she prefers there not to be an exposed screw on the pan so that it's easier to clean. Totally reasonable for her to do that. She knows better, obviously, than us. But the point is, I think it would be an invasion of her space for me to go and help myself to everything in her kitchen and treat it as if it were my own, because it is not my own. Whereas when we're with my mum, I do feel much more entitled. I still ask her if I can do things at her house, but I still feel like because it's my mum, I'm basically entitled to do more or less what I want there. The dynamic is very different.

[00:05:39.960] - César (Guest)

I completely understand. But I think you will get the hang of it and you will be more relaxed as months go by.

[00:05:47.740] - Oliver (Host)

Months and years. Because it is actually quite easy living with your mum. She is very nice. Also, it feels a little bit like regressing to childhood, but in quite a nice way, I say, quietly, because obviously, you shouldn't feel this way, but it's actually really nice because she wants to cook all our meals. My mum, when we were staying with her for Christmas, she was insistent that she do all the washing, which is obviously- (And she did all the cooking.) Exactly. You want to say no, but I think she genuinely- (Are we disgusting brats?) We are disgusting brats, but I guess because it only lasted for a couple of weeks for my mum, less than that. I think that she genuinely was happy to do it. She kept volunteering to do things because I think she was happy to have a child back at home because it's a nice change. So maybe your mum will change after a few months.

[00:06:36.550] - César (Guest)

For example, today, she was like, No, I will hang the washing. And I was, No, I will do it. Because it's quite easy to fall into that moment of, Oh, yeah, she will do it. That's very unfair.

[00:06:50.810] - Oliver (Host)

It is unfair. But so many mothers are so selfless. I know that if I were a parent, I don't think I'd be... If my child came back when they were 36, I don't think I'd be washing, ironing, and folding his and his partner's boxer shorts.

[00:07:06.740] - César (Guest)

You know it's very common in Spain this right now.

[00:07:09.260] - Oliver (Host)

Or going back to your prior life? (Like my cousin has been) Because we say-

[00:07:12.380] - César (Guest)

living in his parents' flat for, after living with his girlfriend for a few years in a different flat. They went back. He went back with them along with his girlfriend for two, three years. They're moving out again because they bought the flat and they were renovating.

[00:07:29.260] - Oliver (Host)

I bet the parents are happy. Yeah, I guess so. We say that you fly the nest in English. So they've flown back in, you're saying. Yeah. Well, it's interesting because we've lived together with someone before as well, with Franziska, who is actually in an episode, she's been in two episodes of the podcast. I think she found that sometimes a bit difficult because that is another dynamic, living with a couple. (Living with a couple, yeah.) Also, we were living in a flat that my sister owned.

[00:07:58.660] - César (Guest)

Yeah, which is another -

[00:08:00.000] - César (Guest)

Another level, yeah.

[00:08:01.230] - Oliver (Host)

Because you're not there in an equal way. I have a different reaction if something gets smashed than if she does. You know, sometimes when people leave the tenancy, they're like, Move the bed and we'll hide that stain on the floor. Obviously, I'm not going to do that with my sister who's very fearsome as well. (Very what?) Fearsome. (Fearsome.) Quite a terrifying person. (Sasha Fierce.) If my sister finds - she actually has a pseudonym for the podcast, Jeanne - if Jeanne finds a stain hidden in her flat underneath the piece of furniture, she'll go mental. I'm not going to split the deposit.

[00:08:40.760] - César (Guest)

We didn't do anything like that, right?

[00:08:42.400] - Oliver (Host)

I don't think so. (We didn't cover it.) She hasn't found it yet if Franziska did.

[00:08:45.440] - César (Guest)

We were really good tenants. I think we took care of the flat. I've always treated the flats I lived in as if they were mine.

[00:08:55.740] - Oliver (Host)

Okay, great. (Did you?) Fair enough. I think I treat, to be honest, I think it's very in keeping with my personality in general, that I think I treat other people's things way better than I treat my own.

[00:09:07.960] - César (Guest)

And you're tidy as well.

[00:09:09.640] - Oliver (Host)

With other people in other people's places. How are you - oh, are you joking? But I am tidy in the... I would never be untidy in the... I would never be untidy in common (areas). Yeah. But are you calling me untidy there (i.e. in our bedroom)?

[00:09:22.000] - César (Guest)

We are a bit untidy.

[00:09:24.760] - Oliver (Host)

It's impossible, but it's impossible not to be. We have an entire flat's worth of content in a tiny... Not tiny, but small bedroom. Sorry, César's mum. (Minute!) A small bedroom with two beds in there and an entire lifetime of things.

[00:09:43.970] - César (Guest)

You have to get used to the situation for a few months and that's fine. Do you have any other experiences living with other people?

[00:09:52.360] - Oliver (Host)

I was just about to ask you, what is your nightmare? A very typical question difference here. Much more positive, much more negative. Give me your nightmare living situation that you've had.

[00:10:02.940] - César (Guest)

I mean, I once shared a flat with someone who was always working. Every time we had someone at the place just having dinner, she was always like, Please, guys, keep it down. I'm working tomorrow. I'm getting up at 07: 00 AM. I know it's Saturday, but... And it's like, she was a bit of a downer. I can understand that she wanted to sleep, but I also wanted to have my friends have a drink.

[00:10:34.300] - Oliver (Host)

She was killing the mood.

[00:10:35.410] - César (Guest)

10: 30 in the evening. Yeah. It wasn't even that late.

[00:10:39.200] - Oliver (Host)

Where was she from?

[00:10:41.240] - César (Guest)

I prefer not to disclose her nationality.

[00:10:43.960] - Oliver (Host)

Where was she actually from? Okay, I'll bleep it. The reason I'm surprised is just because I thought if she was British, then it might be a Spanish-British difference in terms of 10: 30. I actually think it's quite late to have your friends come over at 10: 30 for a drink. (No.) But there are cultural differences there, aren't there? Like 10: 30 is very early in Spain.

[00:11:08.960] - César (Guest)

Then what else? I've been quite lucky with my flatmates in general. I once shared a flat with the owner, the lady Lord.

[00:11:21.900] - Oliver (Host)

Landlady. Landlord or landlady. (Depending on the sex.)

[00:11:27.160] - César (Guest)

The landlady was living with me. She was renting the room for me. She was a vegetarian, and at the time, I ate meat. I was like, I didn't know how it worked. I was like, Do you need me to use different pans? Something like that. She was like, No, I'm quite relaxed. She was very nice. She was always meditating. The only thing she asked is that I didn't bring foreigners, like strange people. Foreigners. Strange people!

[00:12:02.830] - Oliver (Host)

Where is she from?

[00:12:04.080] - César (Guest)

She was British. Strangers, not foreigners.

[00:12:11.420] - Oliver (Host)

Strangers. Very good.

[00:12:13.300] - César (Guest)

Okay. Actually, the only person who stayed the night once was Carlotta, my friend, who is a foreigner. She's Spanish, but she wasn't a stranger.

[00:12:21.920] - Oliver (Host)

She was like, This time, César, it's okay.

[00:12:25.500] - César (Guest)

Show me your passport. So what about your experiences? Because you have lived in Italy, China, Spain, the UK, Germany.

[00:12:36.110] - Oliver (Host)

Well, actually, I never lived with anyone else in those countries apart from... In the UK, obviously, I've lived with lots of other people. In Germany, one of the years that I lived there, I shared. In Italy, China, Germany, other than that, I actually never shared with anyone. So it was fine. That was easy. Just living with my crazy self.

[00:12:57.300] - Oliver (Host)

The worst flatmate you can have is yourself.

[00:12:59.560] - Oliver (Host)

No, honestly, no, because when I am by myself, I really am quite disgustingly messy and everything, but no one cares unless someone does an unannounced visit, which is obviously dreadful.

[00:13:08.460] - César (Guest)

Do you remember, sorry to interrupt, do you remember when I surprised you and I went back to London without letting you know. You thought that I was going to go the next day, the following day. So I went to the place, I opened the door of our room and it was like covered in clothes. It was super messy and you were embarrassed.

[00:13:29.600] - Oliver (Host)

I don't remember that. (I've got a video of it.) That must have been quite early on in the relationship. I don't remember. I do remember that when I was at university and I was living out, again, I've always been relatively tidy in the communal areas, but in my space, I've been quite disgusting. I did a lot, I guess I worked quite hard and there was paper all over the place. Literally, I had quite a big room, actually, and you could not see any floor space at all because it was just totally covered.

[00:13:56.660] - César (Guest)

That was your studying technique, having paper on the floor?

[00:13:59.420] - Oliver (Host)

I don't I just, I don't know how I lived that way. I lost a bag of bread in there once, and when I found it, it wasn't even mouldy, it was dust. I also know that when they did - ugh, so shameful (disgusting) but when the estate agent wanted to do tours of the house for the next year, they had to reach out to me and be like, You can't, you can't live this way while we're renting it out. But I have improved since then. I have improved since then.

[00:14:36.520] - César (Guest)

Yes, you have, actually.

[00:14:38.600] - Oliver (Host)

But yeah, I think when I have shared with everyone, apart from actually when I was living in Germany with my two friends that I had met, they were strangers and they interviewed me for the room and then decided to give it to me. I loved them. I was really happy with them.

[00:15:01.360] - César (Guest)

Well, they're your friends now.

[00:15:02.500] - Oliver (Host)

Yeah, exactly. That was a great roommate situation. With almost everyone else, I have really, really liked them, but I have also been very happy to see the end of the tendency. Maybe it's because it's easier living with two other people than one other person, but I have just been quite pleased that I didn't have to see them every day. I know I am the one at fault there. I know I am being unreasonable, but I am someone who I find it hard to tolerate one person for a very long period of time.

[00:15:40.220] - César (Guest)

What about the flatmate you had for the longest? Me.

[00:15:45.620] - Oliver (Host)

Well, yeah, but we've talked about this, you are different, and so that's fine, which I guess makes sense.

[00:15:50.900] - César (Guest)

I kind of like you.

[00:15:52.880] - Oliver (Host)

Yeah. The worst thing actually was when my bedroom had an ensuite, which was also the flat's only bathroom, if that makes sense. There was a door from my bedroom into the toilet and also a door from the toilet into the living room. My bed was right next to that door, and every single time a flatmate used that toilet, I heard everything, everything. Not just anything, picking up a coffee cup, or just anything at all. Breath. I heard. Because I know that that would make me deeply uncomfortable, I would just lie in the bed absolutely still, not wanting to make the bed creak because then they would feel uncomfortable.

[00:16:41.680] - César (Guest)

They probably wouldn't feel that way.

[00:16:42.770] - Oliver (Host)

But I spent so many mornings just lying totally still because that was an unpleasant... That was the worst aspect of cohabitation I think I've had, which is quite good. That's not that bad. Thank you very much for being with us for this period of time.

[00:16:59.370] - César (Guest)

Tell us, student, if you have or are currently experiencing this type of experiences with a-

[00:17:08.670] - Oliver (Host)

Cry out for help. If you want to tell us, to complain anonymously about your current living situation.

[00:17:15.490] - César (Guest)

And see you next time.

[00:17:16.260] - Oliver (Host)

Thank you very much for listening. That's all. Bye-bye.