E67: Am I Chasing Goals I Don't Actually Want?

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[00:00:02.440] - Oliver (Host)

Welcome back to the podcast. Welcome back to English and Beyond, the advanced version, and welcome to 2026 as well. Unless you're listening from the future, maybe someone in 2027 has just logged on because they are planning to improve their English, and they have found our podcast. I haven't decided what the title will be, but a podcast about Resolutions, I suppose.

[00:00:26.240] - César (Guest)

How not to fail with your New Year Resolutions. We're going to talk about what we have experienced in the past, setting ourselves, probably very unapproachable goals or resolutions, and what we learn from that.

[00:00:41.560] - Oliver (Host)

We fail a lot, as everybody does, and we have just failed, and I'll explain how in a moment. But before we do, as I was saying, welcome back to the podcast. The transcript is available online at morethanalanguage.com, and there are also free flashcards available as well for the episode. So if there are words that you find difficult to understand, you can read the transcript. If there are words that you want to learn and consolidate, then you can use our free flashcards. But we failed in a way that is becoming a pattern for the podcast at the moment, which is where we start recording and I reject several attempts. There's a little bit of histrionics, a bit of me feeling very frustrated with my inability to do this properly. There's a lot of self-frustration, a lot of-(A lot of crying.) Yeah, screaming. (Shouting.) Throwing things on the floor. But actually, it would be particularly bad actually here because we're here in your mum's bedroom. Returning to YouTube from 2006, it feels like maybe we've taken a little step back in life that we've returned to your mum's house and we're recording out of her bedroom, not even our own bedroom.

[00:02:03.600] - César (Guest)

Yeah, we're like teenagers again. (We are.) For a few months.

[00:02:06.230] - Oliver (Host)

Single beds. All of our stuff in boxes, can't even record in there because there's physically not the space. So what a great time to discuss resolutions.

[00:02:19.560] - César (Guest)

But I was thinking while you were going on your rant about failure and all that, it's very interesting because you think you failed Or we fail because sometimes when we start recording, we have to pause and start again and blah, blah, blah. But actually, what is... How many episodes do we have of this podcast? Over 100?

[00:02:43.940] - Oliver (Host)

No, 60 something.

[00:02:45.150] - César (Guest)

Okay, well, in any case, 60 something. We've been doing it for over a year. 95% of podcasts are dead, and most of them have only three episodes or less. And that's not even failure, because that's many people trying to do a podcast and either failing or giving up, and mostly it's giving up. Failing for me would be, start something and giving up after two or three episodes.

[00:03:15.810] - Oliver (Host)

I'm not saying that we have failed, but this is a very good example of, I think, where you, the eternal optimist, comes up against me, the eternal pessimist. It's like the Unstoppable Force and the Immovable Object analogy, which you'll have heard of, no?

[00:03:31.120] - César (Guest)

I actually haven't.

[00:03:32.360] - Oliver (Host)

Okay. It's like...

[00:03:33.340] - César (Guest)

I didn't go to Oxford. Okay. Did you learn that in Oxford? University. University of Oxford.

[00:03:39.500] - Oliver (Host)

If an Unstoppable Force meets an immovable object, which one wins? Okay, the force can't be stopped, but the object can't be moved, and they meet.

[00:03:48.300] - César (Guest)

Yeah.

[00:03:49.200] - Oliver (Host)

Which one wins?

[00:03:52.540] - César (Guest)

The immovable object.

[00:03:54.560] - Oliver (Host)

But the force can't be stopped. (Well, in that case-) If the object is not moved then the-

[00:04:01.500] - César (Guest)

I guess both of them are fighting, no?

[00:04:03.960] - Oliver (Host)

Well, that's the point of the-

[00:04:04.940] - César (Guest)

They meet in the middle.

[00:04:05.700] - Oliver (Host)

That's the impossibility of the analogy. You are the eternal optimist. I'm the impossibly negative pessimist. And although we constantly are meeting each other in this podcast, it can never change. That's the point of what I'm saying. So I understand what you're saying there, and that's lovely. But someone could do a thousand episodes and they could have literally only themselves listening. I would call that a failure. And you'd be like, no, because they've carried on and they've had a good time and they've enjoyed themselves. And for me, I think that if there's obviously a middle ground, right? I'm not talking about us in this podcast, and this is becoming too much of a tangent, but you are very optimistic.

[00:04:57.620] - César (Guest)

I consider myself a realistic optimist. (Realist. Realistic optimist.) Realistic optimist, yeah. But I have failed in the past with my New Year's resolutions many, many times. I've been wanting to write a book for so many years, like another, maybe not that many. But I tried. And every year, over the last three, four years, I was like, This year is going to be the year.

[00:05:27.160] - Oliver (Host)

The last year actually was the year. You are actually-

[00:05:29.760] - César (Guest)

I have started. Yeah, but I did something different, right?

[00:05:32.920] - Oliver (Host)

Yeah, you joined a class.

[00:05:34.050] - César (Guest)

Exactly. So I think for my first mini-tip would be accountability is essential if you're struggling to start a project or to achieve a goal.

[00:05:48.900] - Oliver (Host)

To improve, and obviously, specifically with this, to improve your English, right?

[00:05:52.940] - César (Guest)

Exactly, yeah.

[00:05:53.760] - Oliver (Host)

Starting, I think I would modify your, slightly - accountability, I think is obviously a really good idea, but I always think the best way to do it, and I think this is very true for languages, is to have a bare minimum. Having a lesson every week or something like that, I think is very useful. I actually do fewer lessons and more language exchanges, but having a language exchange every week, which means that even if you have a terrible week where you've done no work on your English, you will at least do a little bit that week. That fixed engagement.

[00:06:25.200] - César (Guest)

Even if you don't feel like it, there's someone else waiting for you. It happens also even with content like podcasts, YouTube. Many people, because I remember the faces and names and usernames, they comment on every single podcast episode, both in the English podcast and Spanish podcast. And they create a habit of replying and getting engaged and practising their English or Spanish. And that's a really good habit as well. And it's completely free. You feel part of the community. So that's some accountability as well. Because I expect sometimes a comment from someone and I even know what they might say about the specific topic I talked about.

[00:07:09.560] - Oliver (Host)

Are you tempted to put a police welfare check on them? They're like, They haven't commented for a while. I'm going to reach out.

[00:07:16.420] - César (Guest)

In the same way, when I haven't published in a couple of weeks, they're like, Are you okay?

[00:07:21.040] - Oliver (Host)

That is true. (That is very cute.) I have had that. I've had a few "Are you okay?"s in the last year, actually, with the English podcast because I've been not as consistent as I probably should have been or as I would like to have been. But that is in itself a nice thing.

[00:07:35.730] - César (Guest)

I actually have a question for you because I know you started learning Spanish when you were 25, but did you try learning before and failed? Or did it happen with any other language?

[00:07:46.680] - Oliver (Host)

Yeah, 100 %. So I was doing, at the time, I was studying Latin and Greek at university and not enjoying it that much.

[00:07:53.280] - César (Guest)

Which university?

[00:07:56.760] - Oliver (Host)

Oh, you're so annoying. I was not enjoying it that much because I just enjoyed the language. And after a while, you end up, they assume you're fluent in the language, and then they're getting you to read these incredible, well, incredible works of literature. I guess that they are incredible. I understand that they are incredible, and I could appreciate them from an intellectual point of view, but I just didn't care that much because ultimately, even though I was doing two dead languages, I suppose what I missed was  using the languages to communicate. I wasn't really... Some of the things I read in Greek, especially, I did find really amazing, like the plays and things like that. But a lot of the older poems and stuff, I didn't find that interesting. Anyway, very long way of saying. I used to go very often to... They had an incredible bookshop there called Blackwells, and I would go to the foreign language section and I would just leaf through and occasionally buy grammars for these languages that I was going to learn. But I had no time, obviously, because I was working so hard at university, relatively. I bought a Japanese grammar, a Chinese grammar, a Spanish grammar, French, German, and I would like, leaf through it and then return it, basically, because I was like, I'm going to do it this time.

[00:09:21.800] - Oliver (Host)

I'm going to do it. I've registered at the Chinese library at the university, I think, and just never actually followed through with I first wanted to learn Spanish when I was 19 and I went to South America, and again, just never actually did anything for it. I don't really know what it was that really changed with the Spanish when I was like 25, but it just was overnight. Actually, it was probably a New Year's resolution, I was like, I started learning properly. Well, I started learning in January, and I just started doing it all the time that I could. Going on language exchanges three or four times a week in a totally obsessive way. That's how I made a change for that.

[00:10:02.020] - César (Guest)

Okay, cool. Another thing I think both of us have failed in the past is going to the gym or creating the habit of working out.

[00:10:13.340] - Oliver (Host)

Have I?

[00:10:15.320] - César (Guest)

When I first met you, I don't think you went to the gym a lot.

[00:10:18.700] - Oliver (Host)

I was going to say, no.

[00:10:20.440] - César (Guest)

Actually, I think it started four years ago. Probably for a few years, one of our New Year's resolutions were being-(At the beginning of relationship.) Yeah, but that has changed. What do you think, it changed? And why do you think we have finally created the habit of going to the gym basically three days a week, minimum?

[00:10:45.780] - Oliver (Host)

Well, I think, to be honest with you, I think that has changed more for me than for you. Not because I'm saying you don't go to the gym, or you should go to the gym. I'm really not saying that.

[00:10:56.010] - César (Guest)

I actually can prove that I go to the gym quite often because I have a habit list and I can show how many...

[00:11:04.080] - Oliver (Host)

César we don't, we've seen the habit list before.

[00:11:09.340] - César (Guest)

December was a really bad month. It was a really bad month. But November wasn't great or October. But for example, July was good.

[00:11:21.320] - Oliver (Host)

Fine. This is exactly what we're talking about. We can have the illusion of consistency. But the thing is that the reason that - actually, I think those lists, those kinds of habit trackers are quite good, aren't they? Because you feel like you go consistently. From an outside point of view, I don't think that you do go that consistently. It seems that your own data has or have proved me right. But it doesn't matter whether you go to the gym a lot or not. No one cares. But the point is that you don't care. The reason that you don't go to the gym that much is because it's actually not something that's that interesting to you or that important to you.

[00:11:57.960] - César (Guest)

It is important for my health because I have a condition and I need to-

[00:12:01.560] - Oliver (Host)

Please not that condition again. I can't do another flash card on fatty liver disease. Anyway, the point is that despite what you say-

[00:12:24.920] - César (Guest)

You don't care about my health?

[00:12:26.520] - Oliver (Host)

I do care, but like-

[00:12:28.140] - César (Guest)

And it's non-alcoholic fat liver.

[00:12:30.660] - Oliver (Host)

Non-alcoholic fatty liver.

[00:12:32.330] - César (Guest)

Non-alcoholic fatty liver.

[00:12:34.400] - Oliver (Host)

But the point is that - this is taking three minutes to say - lots of the time we create resolutions about things we actually don't care that much about. That we think, Oh, this is what I would like to be, but it's not what I actually really deep down want to do. You might say, Oh, I should go because I want to be healthy, but you're actually healthy already. You don't need to go to the gym to look after your fatty liver. That is not actually necessary. We just need to go for a walk occasionally, right? And we need to eat more healthily, which we already do. We do those things. So your fatty liver is fine in reality. And so I think that's the thing. You say, Oh, I want to go to the gym because of my fatty liver. But that's not really why we want to go to the gym. We want to go to the gym because you want to be in nice shape. You want to look nice. But ultimately, I don't think you care that much about that, which is not a bad thing. But I think if you want to achieve something in your resolutions, you  have to be honest with yourself. We have to be honest with ourselves. All of us need to be honest with ourselves. Do I actually want to achieve this? Or is this just because I have a passing? Oh, I'd like to speak Japanese, but...

[00:13:40.640] - César (Guest)

Or because many people speak Spanish, English, blah, blah, blah. I'm going to do it as well.

[00:13:45.960] - Oliver (Host)

Do you know what I mean, though?

[00:13:47.510] - César (Guest)

Yeah. Talking about honesty.

[00:13:52.000] - Oliver (Host)

Well, since we're going to be so honest, let's get some home truths in this podcast.

[00:13:57.250] - César (Guest)

No, no, no. I was going to say, I think you need to be honest with yourself and see, go through your list and say, Is this actually realistic? Am I going to be able to learn three languages this year, go to the gym every day, and doing meal prep or batch cooking every Sunday and see my friends three times a week.

[00:14:24.480] - Oliver (Host)

Are you saying this to me?

[00:14:25.700] - César (Guest)

No, in general. That's another mistake. Having too many resolutions.

[00:14:31.700] - Oliver (Host)

But I think that that depends on your concept of what resolutions are. Because, for example, I think I have on my list when I last counted about 30, 35 resolutions, which I recognise is insane, but I don't expect or even hope to complete them all. They're more like- (Aspirational.) Aspirations. They're not things that I think, Oh, I'm actually going to do that. Let's say I might have the resolution to do the C2 exam in Spanish, French, and something else next year. I don't literally expect I'm going to do the C2 exam in these languages this year or whatever. Because even if you speak these languages fluently, you have so much work to do to finesse it enough to do those exams. And if, for example, with the French, I have a long way to go still before I could possibly do that exam, I'm not saying I'm going to do that exam this year. It's more like, let's have steps towards that. But some people would criticise it because it's not a SMART goal. It's not achievable.

[00:15:36.760] - César (Guest)

Specific, measurable.

[00:15:38.720] - César (Guest)

We always forget. Attainable, realistic. Yeah, I think the other one-Time line.

[00:15:44.390] - Oliver (Host)

I think it's like having time. You have like... It's well defined in terms of its time limit. But I don't want mine to be realistic. They're just SMAT.

[00:15:55.820] - César (Guest)

I don't have any New Year's resolution this year.

[00:16:00.000] - Oliver (Host)

You didn't laugh at my joke.

[00:16:00.180] - César (Guest)

So I wasn't listening to you.

[00:16:01.080] - Oliver (Host)

Yeah, I knew you weren't. I was like, They're not SMART, they're just SMAT.

[00:16:04.740] - César (Guest)

SMAT? I didn't get it. What does SMAT mean?

[00:16:08.540] - Oliver (Host)

Smart without the R. SMAT.

[00:16:09.600] - César (Guest)

SMAT. They're not realistic. Okay, I thought SMAT was a word, an actual word.

[00:16:16.920] - Oliver (Host)

I'll have to cut that.

[00:16:17.170] - César (Guest)

You don't have to. (All right.) I actually don't have any New Year's resolution this year. This is on my consolidation era. So I'm trying to consolidate the things that I started last year. I want to resit the C2 exam this year.

[00:16:39.530] - Oliver (Host)

Because you already have a C2. Yeah. But you successfully passed it once. But that was not good enough, you think?

[00:16:45.150] - César (Guest)

I want to do it again.

[00:16:46.620] - Oliver (Host)

And do better.

[00:16:47.680] - César (Guest)

And do better. But apart from that, I think I just want to focus on the things I started previously. The book, the business, being healthier, blah, blah, blah. Going to the gym more, apparently.

[00:17:01.740] - Oliver (Host)

No, I think the opposite. I think that you should-

[00:17:05.160] - César (Guest)

I have to go more honestly because it's for health reasons, because of my condition.

[00:17:09.050] - Oliver (Host)

But if it's for health, well, then I think that you need... If it's for health reasons, then it's not about going and doing weights necessarily. It's good to do weights right anyway because you want to do some weights for joint care and stuff like that. But I'm sorry to focus on this. But in terms of having a goal, if you are just trying to take care of your liver, then the way that you're going to the gym is not necessarily the best way to go to the gym, no? Because you should be going and doing more cardio stuff, trying to cut down this fat that apparently is around your organs, but not on the external- (Visceral fat.) Exactly. Instead of the the the the the external body fat that is more easily visible. So in that case, you just, I suppose, have to be healthier from a cardio perspective, right? There's no point going three times a week to do heavy weight training. If it's not what you enjoy and you're not doing it consistently anyway.

[00:18:06.120] - César (Guest)

That's another important tip. See if your method matches the result you want to achieve.

[00:18:15.240] - Oliver (Host)

Yeah. And again, it's about being honest about that result. What result do you actually want to achieve?

[00:18:20.400] - César (Guest)

It all comes down to honesty, being honest with yourself.

[00:18:23.920] - Oliver (Host)

Yeah. Well, I suppose everyone will have their own defect, won't they? I think mine is...I feel like I'm extremely honest with myself in the sense that there are 40 things that I consider inadequate, apparently, according to the number of resolutions that I have. It's just maybe not realistic to expect myself to fix 40 things in a year.

[00:18:46.680] - César (Guest)

No. They're SMAT Goals.

[00:18:49.340] - Oliver (Host)

Okay. Do you have anything else to add?

[00:18:51.000] - César (Guest)

No. Well, let us know, student, if you have failed in the past with a resolution, and what have you learned from that as well.

[00:18:59.730] - Oliver (Host)

Yeah, it may be instead, because instead of doing what resolutions have you got next year, maybe you tell us about what resolutions you failed in the past. Yeah. Okay. Nice to talk to you.

[00:19:10.900] - César (Guest)

Thank you. See you next time. Bye. Bye.