You’re Not Dying, So Why Aren’t You at Work?!

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[00:00:00.000] - Oliver (Host)

Have you ever stayed home from work because you were genuinely sick, but then you felt genuinely guilty about it? Imagine the scene, you're lying in bed, tissues everywhere, your head is pounding, your nose is blocked. Maybe you've even got a fever. You should be resting up, you should be getting better. But instead, you're making your headache worse by arguing with yourself: maybe I should just go in for the morning? People are going to think I'm lazy. What if my boss doesn't believe me? I'm going to fall behind. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why does so many of us feel bad for doing something that is clearly the right thing, staying home to rest?

[00:00:51.480] - Oliver (Host)

Today, we're going to explore this strange feeling of guilt that many of us experience when we're unwell. I'll tell you about my own experiences. We'll look at where this mindset might come from, and we'll also explore how our cultures, our upbringing, and even our childhoods affect how we feel about taking time off. And make sure you stay until the end. I'll teach you some really natural English expressions and idioms related to being sick, missing work, and taking time off, so you can talk about these moments clearly and confidently in real-life conversations.

[00:01:34.200] - Oliver (Host)

Welcome to English and Beyond: Intermediate English Podcast, where we go a little deeper into everyday topics to help you improve your vocabulary listening skills, and confidence in English. I'm your host, Oliver. I'm an English teacher, and today we're talking about sick days and guilt trips, and why so many of us find it hard to just stay in bed without feeling bad about it. I do this full-time now, but let me take you back to when I used to work for other people. You know, proper jobs with HR departments, office kitchens, and all that. Every time I woke up feeling ill, I would go through this mental checklist. Do I have a fever? Can I still walk? Could I go in and just not talk to anyone? Even when the answer was clearly - you are unwell, please just stay in bed - I'd still feel like I was doing something wrong. I felt guilty, like I was cheating the system and letting other people down, like I was getting away with something. I used to think, well, I could probably get out of bed, shower, and go to work. It would be horrible, but technically possible. I can't be that ill if I'm physically capable of getting to the office, right?

[00:03:01.920] - Oliver (Host)

But that's not the point, is it? Being able to go to work doesn't mean you should go to work. Yet that guilt was always there. But why does this guilt come from? Why do we feel this way? My mum has a theory that is relevant really just to me. She says she thinks I feel so guilty because of her Scottish blood, or more specifically, that I was raised in a culture influenced by her Presbyterianism, which in very simple terms often connects morality to hard work. The idea is, if you're not suffering, you're not doing enough. Now, whether or not that's true, I do think there's something cultural about this question. In the UK and many other countries, perhaps most famously the USA, there's this strong belief that working hard makes you a good person, that pushing through pain is noble, that you earn respect by ignoring your body and getting the job done anyway. In some places, not working, especially if you're ill with something mild, something not that bad, not working, in this case, is seen as suspicious. Like, are you really that sick or are you actually just lazy? This attitude starts early.

[00:04:27.760] - Oliver (Host)

At school, we're taught to show up no matter what. If you take too many sick days, you're seen as weak. If you show up with a cold, you're told you're brave, that you're soldiering on. We carry that into adulthood. It becomes automatic. You could be sweating with fever, barely able to think, and still feel guilty for not showing your face at the Monday meeting. And the weirdest part? A lot of the time, nobody is making us feel this way. Your boss might actually be supportive. Your colleagues might say, Please rest. Do not come in. But you still feel bad. That guilt doesn't come from others. It's internal. It's like we've absorbed this message over time. If you're not doing something productive, you're wasting your time. It's like our value as people depends on how much we produce, how many tasks we tick off, how busy we are. And when we're sick, we're forced to stop, we have to rest. And that feels uncomfortable, like we've lost control, like we're being lazy. The truth is, many of us treat illness like an inconvenience, something that's in the way of our plans. We don't think of it as a signal from our body saying, Hey, slow down, I need care.

[00:05:53.440] - Oliver (Host)

But is this the same everywhere? In countries like Spain, where I live now, or in France, I'm told that the attitude is arguably a bit more sensible. If you're sick, you're expected to rest, and no one starts talking about you behind your back for taking a day or even a week off work to recover. You go to the doctor, you get a medical certificate, and people respect that. Rest is considered part of recovery, not a personal failure. But in some countries, like the UK or the US, it sometimes feels like the opposite. People feel like they have to prove how hard working they are by coming in even when they really shouldn't. We even have a word for it: presenteeism. It's when people show up at work, even though they're too sick to be productive, or worse, they're actually contagious. But they go anyway because they don't want to look weak or lazy or unreliable. It's almost like being at work is more important than being able to work. But has anything changed since the pandemic? Well, yes and no, I would say. The COVID pandemic definitely made people more aware of health and sickness.

[00:07:13.160] - Oliver (Host)

It became unacceptable to go to work with even the trace of a cough or fever. Companies introduced sick policies, people worked from home more, and some finally felt allowed to rest. But that guilt hasn't just disappeared. In fact, the big jump into remote work created new pressures. Now people think, I'm at home, I can still answer emails, I don't even have to commute. Surely I can do something useful from my sickbed. So even when we're sick, we stay connected. We log on to email, we check Slack, we reply to messages, and we still don't give ourselves proper rest. Now that I work for myself, you'd think it would be easier, right? No boss, no manager, no pressure. But actually, I found it can be even harder because there's no one to give you permission to relax, no one to say, "Hey, you look terrible. Go home." It's just me and that little voice in my head, the one that says, "You do have deadlines, you're behind, and you should be doing more. You can't afford to be sick right now." And speaking of the second meaning of affording things, obviously, needless to say, when you're self-employed, there's no sick pay.

[00:08:38.060] - Oliver (Host)

In fact, this episode is actually a few days late already, and that's because I've been sick in bed all this week. Today is the first day where I felt capable of writing and recording this episode. And as I said above, now that I work for myself, I do need to get back to work, but I've also tried to learn the following: rest is not lazy. Sometimes it's necessary. Taking time off when you're sick isn't weak. It's wise. And the world will obviously not fall apart if I take one day or even several days to recover. Okay, so let's shift gears now and look at some natural English expressions that you can use in these situations if you're working in an English-speaking country. These are all common and used by native speakers in casual conversations. Number one, to feel under the weather, which means to feel slightly ill. As an example, you could say, I'm feeling a bit under the weather today. I think I should stay home. Two, to call in sick, to phone or message work to say you're not coming. He called in sick this morning. He's got the flu. Number three, to pull a sickie, to pretend to be sick, usually to skip work.

[00:10:00.080] - Oliver (Host)

We could say, I don't think she's really ill. I think she's just pulling a sickie. Number four, to be run down, to be tired, low energy, and as a result, more likely to get sick. I use this phrase constantly to describe that mild illness that isn't stopping you doing anything, yet just means you're not feeling your best. My example, you need a break, you look really run down. Then the last one, to be bedbound or to be bedridden, to be so sick that you can't get out of bed as if you're bound to it. I was bedridden all weekend with a virus. Try using one or two of these in your next conversation or when you're writing a message to a teacher, a colleague, or a friend explaining how you've been feeling rotten. They'll make your English sound more natural, and they'll help you to describe these situations clearly. So before we go, what about you? Do you feel guilty when you're sick? Do you stay in bed and rest? Or do you try to keep working even when your body is begging you to stop? I hope this episode helped you reflect on that and also gave you some more tools to talk about it confidently in English.

[00:11:21.080] - Oliver (Host)

If you enjoyed this episode, please follow the podcast and leave a review. Take care of yourself and see you next time. Thank you for listening.