Why Do British People Lie (Politely)?

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[00:00:02.200] - Oliver (Host)

You've just hosted your first dinner party in Britain. The plates have been cleared away. The wine is finished. Everyone's saying goodbye. One guest smiles. That delicacy from your country was really interesting. Another adds, What a memorable evening. The last says, We must do this again sometime soon. Your guests wave, step out into the night, and you feel quite proud. You've nailed it. You've had great success. Then your British partner looks at you sadly and says, They hated it. So you close the door, disappointed, realising that you've been a victim yet again of Perfidious Albion, a classic nickname for Britain that means the untrustworthy or deceitful England. Welcome to English and Beyond: Intermediate English Podcast. I'm Oliver, an English, Spanish, and Latin teacher from the UK. There is a free transcript and vocabulary flashcards available for this episode at morethanalanguage.com, in case you don't understand something from this episode. And in fact, this whole episode is about not understanding things, even when you speak the language at a high level like you do. Because sometimes it's not the words themselves that are difficult to understand, but instead the meanings hidden behind them. But when you do understand what a euphemism is, please consider leaving me a quick review. You could even do it with your best euphemism if you want to be a little bit cruel.

[00:01:41.180] - Oliver (Host)

I live in Valencia, Spain, and I meet a lot of Spanish people who have lived or spent time in the UK, and they often complain that British people are hopelessly indirect, that we never say what we really mean. Even Americans, with whom we share a language, often say that moving to Britain is initially difficult because they were taking what we said literally instead of reading between the lines, instead of looking for the hidden meaning in our words. So, returning to our imaginary dinner party, if you analyse it again with a British translator, you'll realise that what your guests may have been saying was, The food was odd, the evening was long and/or awkward, and please don't invite us anytime soon. That's the strange reality of the English language as spoken by British people. It allows them to criticise, complain, or even insult you without ever sounding really impolite, without you realising what's going on. The English language is full of expressions that sound kind, respectful, or even charming, but what they really do is make uncomfortable things sound softer and easier to accept.

[00:03:01.140] - Oliver (Host)

For example, we say, he's passed away instead of, he's died. You're being let go instead of, you're being fired from your job, and then, you're between jobs instead instead of unemployed. These expressions are called euphemisms, polite or indirect ways of saying something unpleasant, awkward, or socially risky. The word euphemism comes from ancient Greek. The first part, eu, means good or pleasant, and the second part, pheme, pheme, means speech or saying. You can hear you in words like eulogy, literally good words, usually spoken at a funeral about the person who has died, or utopia, meaning a good or a perfect place. And that word pheme also appears in blasphemy, which originally meant evil speech, and now means to speak in a disrespectful way about God. So quite literally, euphemism means good speech, language that makes something unpleasant sound a little kinder. But euphemisms aren't always as harmless as just being a bit kind. Sometimes they can be about more than politeness. They can even be a matter of life and death. Governments, armies, and companies use them to disguise what's really happening. And that's where this story will take a darker turn later on. But before we get there, euphemisms reveal something deeper about English-speaking culture, about our relationship with discomfort, politeness, and honesty.

[00:04:45.520] - Oliver (Host)

Euphemisms work because they protect both sides of a conversation. They make difficult moments easier for the speaker who doesn't have to sound harsh to sound mean, but they also make them easier for the listener who doesn't have to face publicly the full weight of what's being said. In English-speaking cultures, especially Britain, this softness is seen as tactful, polite, even considerate. Directness can sound rude, uncomfortably emotional, or excessively dramatic. So instead of confronting the truth head-on, British English often wraps it in a layer of politeness, a linguistic cushion, a shield of words between people and reality. I think that distance isn't entirely a bad thing. It's part of how English manages emotion, not by denying its existence, but by containing it. The goal isn't to deceive you. It's so we can stay calm, civil, and in control. In a culture that values composure, euphemisms act like social lubricants. They keep communication smooth and help people avoid embarrassment. They allow sympathy without sentimentality, respect without rawness. Still, in an international globalised world, the cost of that calmness is clarity. The more we soften reality in this way, the harder it becomes to see it clearly or to feel what we maybe ought to feel.

[00:06:24.760] - Oliver (Host)

You can see this balancing act most clearly in everyday life. In the small, harmless euphemisms we use without thinking. We don't say someone is old. We say they're of a certain age, getting on a bit, or a senior citizen. We don't say someone is fat. We say they're curvy, full configured or big-boned. And when someone is extremely unhappy, we might say that they're having a bit of a rough time instead of clinically depressed. These phrases aren't exactly lies. They're arguably small acts of kindness. They soften the edges of language so that no one feels too exposed, too judged, or too humiliated. There are two main problems with this from my point of view. The first is that once a euphemism becomes widespread, it ironically often loses the very politeness it was meant to provide. When everyone knows what the nice word really means, it stops feeling kind and starts sounding patronising. Big-boned or curvy, for example, might seem gentler than overweight, but they're arguably worse because it pretends not to say something while still saying it. The person on the receiving end can hear both messages at once, the judgement of the extra weight, but also a condescending attempt to hide that judgement.

[00:07:53.360] - Oliver (Host)

At that point, the euphemism no longer protects anyone's feelings. It just adds a layer of awkwardness on top of the truth. The second major problem is that some euphemisms can cause more harm than just personal offence. The same instinct that leads us to say, passed away or big-boned also appears in politics, business, and the media, where the goal is not to be polite, but to control perception and to limit dissent, to limit protest, to limit public refusal to agree with certain policies or governmental actions. Governments have used euphemisms like collateral damage to describe careless civilian deaths, or enhanced interrogation to mean torture, or restructuring instead of mass layoffs. These phrases don't make reality softer to save us from hurt feelings. They try to make an outrageous reality invisible, to avoid accountability, to avoid taking responsibility for failures. And yet, the reason they work is the same. As people, we want to stay comfortable. We accept these expressions because they sound professional, they sound calm and civilised, qualities that we value. But euphemistic politeness at that level becomes something much darker, a way to hide responsibility. And yet, despite these problems, we can't quite live without these euphemisms.

[00:09:30.000] - Oliver (Host)

Total honesty might sound admirable and logical, but in practise, it would be unbearable. Language needs diplomacy as much as it needs truth. Euphemisms allow us to talk about illness, death, and failure without cruelty. They help us to show tact. They help us to show sensitivity in moments when silence would be worse. In that sense, they serve an important social function. Euphemisms protect relationships. The challenge with euphemisms is to know when softness becomes avoidance, when kindness starts to blur into denial. So then, why do British people so often say one thing and mean another? These euphemisms exist to keep the peace, to smooth over embarrassment, to soften conflict, to make life slightly less uncomfortable for us. They allow people to stay polite, to save face, to save pride, and to move on without showing too much emotion. But we also need to remember that this comfort does come at a cost. The more carefully we choose our words, the further we move from the truth behind them. So, next time someone calls your cooking interesting or says that a situation is not ideal, you'll know what they mean. And maybe you'll even admire the artistry of their indirect expression.

[00:11:00.590] - Oliver (Host)

Thank you for listening. I hope you found this episode more than interesting, and we must do this again sometime soon. Until next time.