The Truth About Failure

Why Failure Isn’t the Enemy: Lessons in Resilience, Love, and Letting Go

When was the last time you failed? It’s not a comfortable question - but it might just be one of the most powerful ones we can ask ourselves. In this episode of English and Beyond: Intermediate English Podcast, we explored the idea of failure: what it means, how we deal with it, and why we may need to reframe it entirely.

But this conversation doesn’t end with the podcast. If you’ve ever felt like you’re not living up to expectations- yours or anyone else’s - this blog entry is for you. Today, we dig deeper into the episode’s themes and unpack why the experience of failure can be more educational than success, and why you might be far more “successful” than you think.

The Hidden Cost of Perfectionism

Modern society sells us the myth of self-optimisation: that if we just work hard enough, if we just push a little further, we can achieve anything. This sounds empowering - until it doesn’t. Because what happens when you do everything "right" and still fall short? What happens when effort isn’t enough?

That’s where the old philosophies can offer something refreshing. Ancient Greece and early Christian ideas reminded us that perfection wasn’t just unattainable - it wasn’t even the goal. Life wasn’t about winning, but about enduring. The gods of Greek tragedy weren’t waiting to reward you; they were often ready to punish your pride. In modern terms, we could say that failure was normalised, not stigmatised.

The Painful Myth of the “Wasted” Relationship

One particularly important idea that I discussed in the podcast was the idea that failed romantic relationships are not failures at all. Ending a relationship doesn’t mean it was a mistake. It means it ended. But you are not the same person you were when it began, and you’ve learned something - whether you wanted to or not.

There’s real comfort in that truth. We’re surrounded by “happily ever after” expectations, but life is more layered than fairy tales. Love stories evolve. Sometimes they end, but that doesn’t make them meaningless.

Why You Shouldn't Compare Your Life to Instagram

Comparison is the thief of joy - but in the digital age, it’s also practically automatic. We see highlight reels of other people’s lives and assume they’re doing better, happier, more. But what if someone is looking at your life and thinking exactly the same?

The truth is, we all edit. We all curate. And we all wonder if we’re doing life “wrong”. But the philosopher Alain de Botton reminds us that no one escapes failure, even if they’re hiding it well. Behind every glossy feed is a very human story.

Redefining Success for Ourselves

Maybe the most liberating takeaway from the episode is this: success doesn’t have to mean wealth, power, or visibility. It can mean kindness. Reliability. Self-awareness. It can be choosing to leave a job that made you miserable or saying no to a relationship that’s holding you back.

We don’t hear enough about these types of success. But they are everywhere, if we learn how to recognise them.

Failure as a Life Skill

One question that came up in the podcast is whether we should teach resilience in schools. It’s an appealing idea (and already happens in English schools, at least), but perhaps the truth is more complex. Resilience - real resilience - comes from lived experience. It comes from falling down and learning how to stand up again, even when you’re still bruised.

That’s not something you can teach in theory - but it’s something we all need to learn in practice.

Why You Should Revisit the Episode

Even if you’ve already listened, take another look - or read the transcript. With this new perspective, you may hear things you didn’t catch before. Think about your own experiences of failure. How did they shape you? And how can you use them to build something better?

If failure is inevitable, let’s at least make it useful.